i'm at startcon08 today

Today a whole bunch of us are at the start conference, hosted by Jeff Veen and Bryan Mason. Mandi and Mike are here from San Antonio, plus J, A, S, B, D, B, D, J, C. (I don't know who's here stealthily or publicly.)

So far: Mena Trott (Six Apart) was great, so was Merlin Mann (43folders & 5ives). Got to see the founders of Ritual Roasters and Rare Device. Matt Haughey (a whole lotta nothing) is on stage right now. I love him too. Glad to get the chance to see him in person. He's got something new out called FUELLY. Not running yet, but looks like it's pretty cool.

Lessons Learned:

1. Never EVER wear new, bright red, patent leather shoes to a conference. No matter how amazingly snazzy they are. Not only will they rub wicked blisters into your feet before you even get there, you also won't be sure if you're actually bleeding to death through your feet or just stained.
   
2. ALWAYS take flip-flops in your purse if you're dumb enough to ignore tip #1.

dog, dog, dog, cat

We recently had doggy visitors, a frenchie and a pug. We call that Oscar & Bugsy Night. Winston didn't really understand what was going on; all he knew was there were Greenies being handed out. Mercury on the other hand knew exactly what was going on, and he stayed on top of the fridge the whole time.


Bugsy


Oscar


Winston


Mercury

keyword cage match, update

1. rant
2. jerkoff
3. ashley veselka

I am now ranked right below "jerkoff" in the searches that bring people to my site! Also, "vomit foam" dropped out of the top 5!!!

Alas, "rant" still rules the roost, and probably always will. It gives me some small hope for mankind that it comes in with over twice as many results as "jerkoff".

For some reason, I am now obsessed with this ranking. I must beat jerkoff. (ah ha ha ha HA!!) Oh I do crack myself up sometimes.

I do aim to bring you a more substantive post for today though. Still 6.5 hours left!

how to beat the DMV

Thanks to my genius friend Shy, I discovered a workaround for the aforementioned bastardized government service we call the DMV. I thought I should share it with you, since it's something I never knew, and you may not either.

Join AAA. For about $70 bucks (a $20 joining fee and a measly $50-something annual fee), you can become a member of AAA. That means you can renew your registration through them. In other words: YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO THE DMV EVER AGAIN. Can you hear me jumping for joy through the very words on this page? Because I am.

There happens to be one of those handy dandy AAAs two or three blocks from my house, and they're open until 5:30, which means I can make it there before they close. Upon hearing that I could do it there, I jumped the earliest possible shuttle home, stopped in, joined, walked up to their "DMV Stuff" desk (no line), spoke to the (very nice & helpful) lady behind the counter, and renewed my registration. They have the stickers and everything!!! They do only take cash or check, so I found out how much it would be, ran to the ATM next door, and came back with cash. $411 in cash, mind you - thank you, SF parking cops with an overblown sense of what constitutes CITY SIDEWALK vs. MY DRIVEWAY!!! But that's a whole other story...

Let me just let it be known that I think it is pathetic that we have to resort to private businesses to do what a government service is supposed to do. I say if that's the case, shut down the DMV and privatize the whole damn thing. If there was competition in that arena, we could expect at least a modicum of service from these agencies. But there's not, so we can't.

Now children, what is the moral of this story? That's right! Fuck the DMV. Join AAA.

the california DMV

Hello there you assholes,

Not only do I have to spend two weeks working on the phone with you to prove that my insurance never lapsed which means my vehicle registration never should have been suspended, I have to go to a DMV office, in person, to renew my registration because of your fuck-up?

The fact that you didn't send me a new letter with a "Renewal Identification Number" (RIN) is not my fault. The fact that you REQUIRE it in order to renew online or by phone, and I can't call in to get it, is FUCKED UP. I have to go in and stand in line. Because you don't make same-day appointments. And you close at 5pm.

Oh wait! A shining ray of hope! You have self-service terminals?!? I did not know that. And I can renew my registration on them? Hooray! They're open 24 hours a day, everyday? I cannot believe my eyes... wait.. only the ones that start with a W are 24/7? All others are... only available during business hours? AND they require a RIN? Double-mother-fuck!!!

Let me explain to you dolts the purpose of having a SELF-SERVICE terminal. It is so I don't have to deal with you "I'd rather be sitting in my trailer with my feet up, chain-smoking cigarettes, yelling at my 12 kids under the age of 12 and 17 dogs, with a car up on blocks outside" S.O.B.s. And I want to do it when none of you are even there. SELF-SERVICE is, by it's nature, supposed to be 24/7, for the convenience of those who ACTUALLY WORK between 8am and 5pm.

But you would know nothing of convenience, or manners, or a helpful attitude, so who am I kidding.

This means that since my registration expires TODAY, I am fucked, because I'm a responsible green citizen who took the shuttle to work, so I can't get back to the city on another shuttle until 4:45.

And better yet, it means that I GET TO PAY YOU TO FUCK ME. Isn't that just peachy. "Here is an additional 10% of the outrageous fee you were going to charge me. What's that? Oh, 'Bend over...', of course. OK."

NOTE: This post is brought to you by the official "stuff that bugs me" club.

how i feel about soup (and more)

The Bloggess's Soup: Real Life vs. In My Head sums up how I feel about soup. And I mean EXACTLY. It's kind of freaky how much this is identical to how I feel about soup.

And here I was, thinking I was the only person in the world who hates soup. You hear that, internet? (and JR...) Hating soup isn't un-American. I am not a freak!

Same thing goes for celery, carrots, cucumbers, cantaloupe and cauliflower. (Huh. I never realized all these things started with a "C" before.) I hate them, and their very flavor infects everything they come in contact with. Particularly cantaloupe. If that crap comes within a foot of a slice of watermelon, you can taste it. Infected, you hear me!?!

And I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. I am not one of those weirdos who can't stand it if the stuff on their plate touches.*

*But... the things on my plate do have to be in a certain order. Meat/brown food at 6 o'clock, potato/starchy white to tan or yellow food at 2 o'clock, vegetable/green food at 10 o'clock. That's not weird. That's just how food on a plate has to be. I'll come back and post a photo. You'll see.

keyword standoff: me vs. vomit foam

Sometimes the stuff I find in Google Analytics amazes me. The same number of people come to my site by searching for "ashley veselka" as for "vomit foam". What does this mean? I am as interesting as vomiting foam. Is that better or worse than being tied with watching paint dry? I'm not sure.

I know now that I am THE #1 search result for "vomit foam" - now that is interesting.

Alas, nearly three times as many people arrive at stuffthatbugsme via the keyword "jerkoff".

So, not surprisingly, I am three times less interesting than jerking off.